Being Bullied at Work

Being Bullied at Work

I want to talk a little about bullies because bullying often precedes shunning. Shunning is sometimes the direct result of not responding to being bullied. Sometimes, not always, bullies want to see the target’s behavior change. Perhaps, they want to be admired or obeyed and find that the target won’t fall into line. Other times, they’re just mean. They like the feeling that comes of tormenting other people and causing them to quit. It can be just a power trip.

There used to be an excellent resource online for those who were being bullied at work. It was called Bully On Line. It was the work of Tim Field. Unfortunately, he died in 2006. After that, the United Kingdom Workplace Bullying Advice Line published his work and ideas. Then, it was written up in a book called. Bully in sight: How to predict, resist, challenge and combat workplace bullying by Tim Field.

Here is a quote from Tim Field:
“Bullies focus on competence and popularity which at present are not covered by employment legislation.
Bullies seethe with resentment and anger and the conduits for release of this inner anger are jealousy and envy, which explains why bullies pick on employees who are good at their job and popular with people. Being emotionally immature, bullies crave attention and become resentful when others get more attention for their competence and achievements than themselves.”
Here is an amended excerpt from the old website:
“How do you know if you're being bullied? Bullying differs from harassment and assault in that the latter can result from a single incident or small number of incidents - which everybody recognizes as harassment or assault - whereas bullying tends to be an accumulation of many small incidents over a long period of time. Each incident tends to be trivial, and on its own and out of context does not constitute an offence or grounds for disciplinary or grievance action. So,
What is bullying?
· Constant nit-picking, fault-finding and criticism of a trivial nature
· Constant attempts to undermine you and your position, status, worth, value and potential.
· Being isolated and separated from colleagues, excluded from what's going on, marginalized, overruled, ignored, sidelined, frozen out.
· Being humiliated shouted at and threatened, often in front of others.
· Being overloaded with work, or having all your work taken away and replaced with either menial tasks (filing, photocopying, minute taking) or with no work at all.
· Finding that everything you say and do is twisted, distorted and misrepresented
· Being subjected to disciplinary procedures with verbal or written warnings imposed for trivial or fabricated reasons and without proper investigation
· Being coerced into leaving through no fault of your own, constructive dismissal, early or ill-health retirement, etc.”
This is a great description of the behavior of my co-worker before the shunning began in earnest. The principal was sympathetic but was unpopular and had no credibility with the staff. I liked my job and was pretty good at it. I had previously received an award for good teaching. The staff liked me. As time went on, I showed that I was not just competent but super competent. I started to receive recognition at my new school and I think that set my co-worker’s teeth on edge.
It also became clear that my personal life was very successful with a loving husband and children. My co-worker was well off financially and I think I might have appeased her if it was apparent that I needed the job badly. In actual fact, I didn’t need the job at all. It was something I loved to do.
This was, unfortunately, the end of my teaching career. The principal was demoted and sent to a different school in the district. So, a recommendation from her wouldn’t have been worth much. The vice principal was promoted but he didn’t understand my situation at all and seemed to believe I was a social disaster. I couldn’t be fired for cause because I was competent and effective. I was forced by social circumstances to quit and I never applied for another job.

Many years ago, as a freshman in college, I enrolled in Psychology 101. As part of the class, we were shown a video on social pressure. There were 7 people involved in an experiment. The first six people were complicit with the instructor. They were told what to say in response to a simple question. The seventh person answered last after the first six people lied about what they saw. I don’t remember the exact circumstances but here is the general idea: A person entered the room and said something to the instructor. Then, the seven people were asked one at time to report the color of the shirt the person had worn. The first six lied and said it was blue. This left the last person in a quandary. Should she say the shirt was red or should she go along to keep from contradicting the group?

I made up my mind at that time that I was always going to tell the truth as I saw it. I don’t mean to upset anyone or to be difficult. In fact, I am something of a people pleaser and it is difficult for me to go against a group of people. It’s even harder when it’s people I see on a regular basis, such as people at work.

Here is a good example of the way this has hurt me socially. I took a job as a teacher at a school. Part of my job was to test and evaluate children as to their mental capacity. This is not a cut and dried thing. There are many factors to be considered and it is always a group decision.

The children in my resource class were retested every year to see if they still qualified for extra help through special education. One girl no longer qualified for special education after thorough evaluation. She had an IQ of 91 on two separate tests. In order for a person to be classified as Intellectually Handicapped, her IQ has to be below 70 points on a valid test. The adaptive and academic tests showed that this girl was working at the same level as her IQ. She had received extra help for her whole school career and had a dismal home life. I felt bad about this outcome but believed that honesty required that she be released from special education. She would still have been eligible for counseling and help from a social worker.

In order to keep this girl in special education classes, our group of teachers and staff had to decide that she had a communication disorder, a learning disability or an intellectual handicap. It was clear from the tests that she had none of these. The speech language pathologist refused to certify a communication disorder. The psychologist was not present at the meeting but would doubtless have refused to sign off on an intellectual handicap. I was one of the resource teachers and I could not prove any learning disabilities.

However, a teacher who had been at the school for many years was adamant that the girl needed continued help. She was something of a bully and people were afraid to cross her. She argued that the young girl in question would be I.H. if she hadn’t received special help over the years. She talked everyone else on the team into signing a document that said the girl was retarded (not the official term). I was opposed because I felt this was dishonest. My objections didn't prevail. Everyone else on the team agreed to call her intellectually disabled. I refused to sign the document.

This was the beginning of HELL for me at work. The woman was so angry that she trashed my reputation to everyone who would listen. As she had many friends and years of service at that school, my fate was sealed.

This is an example of how refusing to go along with a group has hurt me over the years. Thankfully, my husband supported my decision in this matter. He believes strongly in my integrity and good sense.

As for the girl in the middle of the struggle—she was identified as I. H. and continued to receive special education. She got pregnant at the age of 13 and may be a mother several times over by now. However, she greatly improved her writing skills while in my class and I felt good about that.

Why?

Why?
Why am I writing a blog on this awful subject? I almost hate to lump myself in with people who have been shunned but it wouldn't be honest to do otherwise. I am posting for several reasons:

• Being shunned is a common experience.
• I didn't find much help online for targets of shunning. (Notice I didn't say "victims".)
• I have years of experience, unfortunately, with being shunned by various groups and individual people.
• I think I have some insight into why this happens to me more than others.
• I handled some of these situations creatively.
• I don't have the credentials to write a book on this subject.
• I plan to discuss common social problems involving autism and mental illness as they relate to being shunned.