Many years ago, as a freshman in college, I enrolled in Psychology 101. As part of the class, we were shown a video on social pressure. There were 7 people involved in an experiment. The first six people were complicit with the instructor. They were told what to say in response to a simple question. The seventh person answered last after the first six people lied about what they saw. I don’t remember the exact circumstances but here is the general idea: A person entered the room and said something to the instructor. Then, the seven people were asked one at time to report the color of the shirt the person had worn. The first six lied and said it was blue. This left the last person in a quandary. Should she say the shirt was red or should she go along to keep from contradicting the group?

I made up my mind at that time that I was always going to tell the truth as I saw it. I don’t mean to upset anyone or to be difficult. In fact, I am something of a people pleaser and it is difficult for me to go against a group of people. It’s even harder when it’s people I see on a regular basis, such as people at work.

Here is a good example of the way this has hurt me socially. I took a job as a teacher at a school. Part of my job was to test and evaluate children as to their mental capacity. This is not a cut and dried thing. There are many factors to be considered and it is always a group decision.

The children in my resource class were retested every year to see if they still qualified for extra help through special education. One girl no longer qualified for special education after thorough evaluation. She had an IQ of 91 on two separate tests. In order for a person to be classified as Intellectually Handicapped, her IQ has to be below 70 points on a valid test. The adaptive and academic tests showed that this girl was working at the same level as her IQ. She had received extra help for her whole school career and had a dismal home life. I felt bad about this outcome but believed that honesty required that she be released from special education. She would still have been eligible for counseling and help from a social worker.

In order to keep this girl in special education classes, our group of teachers and staff had to decide that she had a communication disorder, a learning disability or an intellectual handicap. It was clear from the tests that she had none of these. The speech language pathologist refused to certify a communication disorder. The psychologist was not present at the meeting but would doubtless have refused to sign off on an intellectual handicap. I was one of the resource teachers and I could not prove any learning disabilities.

However, a teacher who had been at the school for many years was adamant that the girl needed continued help. She was something of a bully and people were afraid to cross her. She argued that the young girl in question would be I.H. if she hadn’t received special help over the years. She talked everyone else on the team into signing a document that said the girl was retarded (not the official term). I was opposed because I felt this was dishonest. My objections didn't prevail. Everyone else on the team agreed to call her intellectually disabled. I refused to sign the document.

This was the beginning of HELL for me at work. The woman was so angry that she trashed my reputation to everyone who would listen. As she had many friends and years of service at that school, my fate was sealed.

This is an example of how refusing to go along with a group has hurt me over the years. Thankfully, my husband supported my decision in this matter. He believes strongly in my integrity and good sense.

As for the girl in the middle of the struggle—she was identified as I. H. and continued to receive special education. She got pregnant at the age of 13 and may be a mother several times over by now. However, she greatly improved her writing skills while in my class and I felt good about that.